1. You LOOK so healthy.
2. Have you tried (name of very basic, obvious remedy, like ibuprofen)?
3. Are you SURE you’re sick?
4. You mean you really can’t do that tiny, tiny, little motion? Just doing that little thing causes you pain? Aren’t you being dramatic?
5. Are you sure it’s not psychological?
6. But I saw you bending over/using your arm/walking fast the other day. (Hello? There is such a thing as a good pain day and a bad pain day.)
7. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
8. The love of Jesus Christ heals all. (Note: If you run into one of these people, don’t say you’re Jewish/Muslim/Buddhist/agnostic. It only makes them more determined.)
9. If I had all the things you have, I’d kill myself.
10. Well! You certainly do have a lot of problems!
11. Don’t think of them as problems. Think of them as “challenges.”
12. When are you going to get better? (I wish I knew.)
13. How can (name of your partner) stand to live with you? Maybe he or she wants someone who isn’t disabled.
14. What do you do all day?
15. Everything happens for a reason. (So, does that mean I was a genocidal monster in a past life?)
16. Think of your illness as an opportunity for spiritual growth. (I’d rather take a meditation class.)
17. View your illness as a gift. (Great! Where can I return it?)